


How Stupid Do You Think We Are?

by 10Blue10



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, F/M, Gen, Humour, THW is not canon, Villain Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:21:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26913574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10Blue10/pseuds/10Blue10
Summary: Presenting three alternative takes on various questionable scenes from HTTYD: The Hidden World.First, Snotlout wants to know what the hell Hiccup is smoking in trying to send their dragons away.Then, a not-so-gullible Hiccup gets under Grimmel’s skin about his claim to have killed the Night Furies.Finally, Toothless doesn’t think much of the Light Fury trying to hurt his human, but she might change.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Toothless, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, Light Fury/Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 98





	How Stupid Do You Think We Are?

**Author's Note:**

> (Okay so the title is either what some of the characters are thinking in the first two stories, *or* what we who hate THW would say to Dean lmao. The first part was written in a fit of pique weeks ago which is why it’s the saltiest of the bunch and unrelated to the other two parts. The second and third parts are set in the same alternate timeline. I probably could have tried to stick closer to canon for the third part but apparently I can’t stop myself from rewriting this awful movie. It’s a reflex at this point. So enjoy!)

The Flock versus The Night Fury

Snotlout and Hookfang knew that something weird was going on. They’d kicked that armada’s butt - the oh so scary warlords had turned out to be no big deal after all - and that Grimmel guy was dead and gone, so what did Hiccup look so solemn for? 

“You're right, bud. It's time” said Hiccup. Time for what? “I was so busy fighting for a world that I wanted, I didn't think about what you needed.” How did that make any sense? Hiccup wanted a world where dragons and humans lived in peace, but Toothless needed...what, a girlfriend? Hiccup was looking at the Light Fury just then. 

“You've looked after us for long enough. Time to look after yourselves.” Surely Hiccup wasn’t saying what it seemed like he was saying. If Toothless wanted to go off and be with the Light Fury, that was too bad, but it didn’t mean  _ all  _ the dragons had to leave. 

First Astrid, then Gobber took off their dragons’ saddles, and started saying goodbye. Everyone except Snotlout began to follow their lead, but he had no idea why. Then Hiccup told Toothless, “Go on, bud. Lead them to the Hidden World. You'll be safe there. Safer than you could ever be with me.” That was when he finally spoke up. 

“No.” Unbeknownst to Snotlout, Hookfang had just said the same thing to Toothless. 

Caught off guard, Hiccup stared at him. “Err, Snotlout? Is something wrong?” 

How oblivious could you get? “Yeah, something’s wrong! You’re telling Toothless to take our dragons away! Why the hell would I give up Hookfang?” Snotlout demanded. 

*Just because you want to leave your rider doesn’t mean we want to leave ours. I’m not going anywhere. Snotlout might be an idiot, but he’s  _ my  _ idiot* declared Hookfang. 

Astrid protested “They’ll be  _ safe _ in the Hidden World. We can’t protect them forever!”

The Light Fury retorted *You have to do as he says, Fire-Scale. He is the Alpha!* 

“How are they not safe up here?” Snotlout asked incredulously, waving his arms at the massive, ridiculously high island they were on. “Nobody can get to us up here!” 

*That’s the only reason you’re interested, isn’t it, sparkles?* Hookfang sneered at the Light Fury. *The last time we did as he said, we ended up in cages, even the  _ babies _ .*

Toothless flinched, but Hiccup didn’t notice. “Snotlout, you don’t understand. The dragons need to be free, and they’ll just keep being hunted if they stay here with us!”

*I had to do it* Toothless tried to defend himself. *If I didn’t, he would have killed her!* 

“They’re free right now! They  _ chose  _ to stay with us. I don’t know if you noticed, but we just kicked those warlords asses. And it’s not like the Hidden World is a  _ secret _ . You said your dad heard about it from sailors tales, so  _ someone’s _ gonna find it!” 

*That hunter never  _ told _ you to make us go into the cages. You did all of that yourself!* 

“But they can’t get into it to hunt dragons. There’s a massive waterfall, and it’s under the ocean. You need a dragon to get into the Hidden World” Hiccup tried to explain. 

Snotlout snapped, “You need a dragon to get up here too! And going to live in some underwater cave is the  _ opposite  _ of being ‘free’. How stupid are you?” he demanded. 

*Seriously?* Hookfang growled at Toothless. *First you get us trapped in cages for no good reason, and now you want to trap us in some cave! You are a  _ horrible  _ alpha.* 

At last the humans noticed the tension between their dragons. “Attaboy, Hooky! You tell ‘em how it is” Snotlout praised, reaching out to pat Hookfangs neck. His dragon grabbed him and threw him into the saddle he’d had the sense not to take off. “Whoa! Yeah, that’s right. I’m not going anywhere, big fella! Snotfang, Snotfang, Oi, Oi, Oi!” 

*I don’t want to leave my Fishlegs either* realised Meatlug, taking back her saddle. 

“Huh? Stormfly, what-?” Astrid asked, when her Nadder pecked the saddle out of her hands and held it out of her reach. Meatlug was doing the same thing with Fishlegs. 

Cloudjumper crouched protectively over Valka. *I’ve been with my human for twenty years. I’m not about to give her up now. I used to think you understood that loyalty, but I see I was wrong* he told Toothless, who flinched and glanced guiltily at Hiccup. 

Eret remarked “I never thought I’d say this, but Snotlout has a point. I used to think the same thing, that there’s no point trying to change things - but you lot showed me I was  _ wrong.  _ I’ve only had Skullcrusher for a year, and you want me to give him up?” 

Skullcrusher crouched down a bit. Eret clambered up onto his back; he hadn’t taken the saddle off either. The twins followed suit, as did Fishlegs, and several others.  *You can’t command us with our riders where they belong,  _ Alpha*  _ mocked Hookfang. 

Snotlout announced, “I don’t care if you’re the chief - if you ask me, you’re a shit one.  _ Stoick  _ didn’t make us all give up our dragons when he had to give up Thornado” he pointed out, ignoring how Hiccup flinched. He deserved it. “I’m going with Hookfang.” 

“Going where?” asked Hiccup. *Where are you going to go?* questioned Toothless.   
  
*Back home, to the real Berk* replied Hookfang. “Wherever Hookfang wants to go,” said Snotlout. He looked around and raised his voice, his fist. *“Who’s with us?!”*   


*“We’re with you!”* Ruff and Tuff cheered in unison, as did Barf-and-Belch. 

Hiccup didn’t know what to do. Snotlout was right, he was an awful chief, he’d never wanted it but he’d had no choice... _ dad would be so disappointed in me right now.  _

Astrid was shouting at Snotlout, calling him selfish, but that was wrong.  _ He _ , Hiccup, was being selfish. “It’s okay,” he found himself saying. “You can go, if you want to.” 

“We can?” Snotlout asked dumbly. “Wait, is this just your way of exiling us?” 

“No!” Hiccup said quickly, appalled. “You can leave or you can stay. It’s your choice.” 

*Your former rider would be a better alpha than you, Night Fury* Hookfang said cruelly. Then even more dragons rejected Toothless as alpha after what he’d done. 

With a sigh, Hiccup looked at Toothless, and gently placed his hand on the dragons’ snout. “It’s okay, bud. You can go with her, if you want. You belong with your own kind.” Tears ran down his face as he slowly lifted his hand away - but Toothless jerked his head forward to press his snout into Hiccup’s palm again, whining softly.   


*What’s wrong?* asked the Light Fury, a bit impatiently. *Your human is letting you go. He’s going to have offspring soon, remember? He won’t need you anymore, and you don’t need him. Not like  _ I  _ need you* she purred, nuzzling him. He pulled away. 

“Toothless? What’s wrong, bud?” Hiccup asked worriedly...but secretly a bit glad. 

The Night Fury looked at his mate sadly. *Thank you for saving Hiccup* he said first. *He’s not so bad, right? Maybe he won’t need me anymore...but I still want to be there for him. You could stay, too* he suggested. She looked reluctant. *If you do, I hope you don’t mind not being the mate of the alpha.* He bowed to Cloudjumper. 

Stormfly followed suit, and then the other dragons.“I think he’s abdicating,” said Valka, when Astrid asked what was going on. “He’s willingly giving up being alpha.” 

The Light Fury stared at Toothless. *But what about me ruling with you?* she demanded. When he just looked at her sadly, she backed away and took to the air. 

“Go after her, bud” urged Hiccup; he couldn’t let his best friend give up this chance to have a family. “I’ll be okay” he reassured Toothless. “I just want you to be happy.” 

Toothless reared up and pulled his rider into a hug. *I’m happy with you. I’m sorry. I think I was so busy chasing after what I wanted, I forgot about what you needed.* He knew that Hiccup couldn’t hear him, but as always, his rider understood nonetheless. There were many tears running down Hiccup’s face, and yet he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Uh, I’m confused,” announced Tuffnut, raising a hand. “Are we leaving or not?” 

Snotlout grumbled, “I have no idea. Hookfang, I thought you wanted to rebel. Make up your mind!” he ordered. The Fire-Scale just rolled his eyes and ignored his rider. 

Hiccup chuckled. “You know what, bud? I think you have the right idea” he remarked, before turning to Astrid. “Snotlout is right about one thing. I wasn’t a good chief” he admitted, and held a hand up when she tried to protest. “I was more focused on the dragons than on the Vikings, and let’s face it, Berk was a mess because of that. So if Toothless is abdicating, then so am I. You’ll be a much better chief than me, any day.” 

Astrid’s jaw dropped. Gothi came forward, surrounded by Terrors, who helpfully scorched a patch of grass. Astrid glanced at Hiccup, who nodded encouragingly, before kneeling so the elder could draw the sacred symbol on her forehead in ash. Then she stood up and faced the tribe, as Gobber cried out, “Long live Chief Astrid!” 

“Long live the chief!” everyone cheered; even the dragons roared in excitement. Astrid beamed at them all, head held high. Then she turned to her future husband. 

“I am  _ so proud  _ of you” she told him, before pulling him into a kiss. Toothless watched them, happy for his rider, but also a bit sad. It was a shame things hadn’t worked out with Lumina. He hoped she’d change her mind about humans and come back soon.

* * *

Grimmel the Grisly versus Astrid the Axe Thrower 

“I am the Night Fury killer” Grimmel boasted. “I’ve killed every Night Fury, except yours. Hand him over” he ordered, levelling his crossbow at Hiccup, who stared. 

At first, the chief was going to refuse - he would  _ never  _ give Toothless up. Then a thought occurred to him, and he frowned. “ _ Every  _ Night Fury?” he repeated, with an incredulous stare. “What do you mean, you’ve killed ‘every Night Fury?” he asked. 

Now it was Grimmel’s turn to frown in confusion. “I mean exactly that! I have slain every single Night Fury in the world, apart from yours! Give him to me, or I shall” - 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make any sense” Hiccup interrupted. “I mean, in order to know that you’d killed all of them, you’d have to know how many Furies there were in the first place. I mean, did you count them all and  _ then  _ start killing them? That seems horribly inefficient” he remarked. Grimmel spluttered indignantly, gaping at him. “You didn’t count them very well. You missed one, who’s to say you didn’t miss more?” 

Scowling, Grimmel firmly declared “Night Furies are gone _ ,  _ because of  _ me _ .” 

Hiccup shrugged. “Maybe they are gone. I can’t prove that they aren’t.”  _ Yet,  _ he thought. “It’s the ‘because of you’ part I’m having trouble with. So you’re telling me that if I could study the body of  _ any _ Night Fury, it would show signs of being killed by you, personally, and not by another hunter, or another dragon, or just sickness?” 

By now, Grimmels’ arrogant facade was visibly cracking. “...Yes” he replied, with much less conviction than before. Hiccup couldn’t believe he was still going at it. 

“In that case, you won’t mind proving it. You must know  _ loads _ about Night Furies.” 

“More than you ever will,” Grimmel snapped. “They can’t survive long in the cold” - 

“That’s weird, cos Toothless has seemed pretty happy up here in the Arctic Circle.” 

“He fell in with humans, that doesn’t count! They can’t fly long distances without rest”- 

“Some of the islands round here are hours apart, Toothless can get to them just fine.” 

“They can’t fly for days!” Grimmel sounded more unhinged by the minute, and Hiccup didn’t bother pointing out that most dragons couldn’t fly for days. “They mate for life!”   


“...Okay, maybe they do, but how would you know that if you just kill them when you find them?” Hiccup demanded. “You can’t just find a mated pair of Night Furies, kill them and then say they mated for life, it doesn’t work like that. You’re a liar, Grimmel.” 

“I don’t think much of your plan to lure my dragon into your trap, either” Hiccup said casually. He went on, “I mean, he found the Light Fury - thanks for getting him a girlfriend, by the way.” More apoplectic spluttering. “But you didn’t even chain her down. What if she’d woken up too early and flown off before Toothless found her?” 

“Enough!” snapped Grimmel. “Hand over the Fury or I’ll destroy everything you love!” 

“...Why would I just  _ let  _ you kill my best friend?” Hiccup demanded. “That would count as destroying something I love, so it’s not much of an ultimatum, is it?” Grimmel looked furious. Hiccup ignored this. “I wouldn’t bother trying to escape, by the way. A friend of mine helpfully told us about your Death-Grippers. Six of them, right?” 

There was suddenly a lot of roaring and thumping from outside the house. “About time. I was wondering when they were going to do that” Hiccup remarked calmly. Grimmel fired the crossbow at him; he dodged the projectile and let out a whistle. This signal prompted Eret and Astrid to emerge from hiding and block the only two exit routes from the building. The others were dealing with those Death-Grippers. 

Realising this wouldn’t end well for him, Grimmel dropped his crossbow and held his hands up in surrender. “Now, let’s not be hasty, chief. What would your father think?” 

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. “You said my dad knew of you, but you clearly didn’t know my dad. He once told me that men who kill without reason can’t be reasoned with, and I didn’t listen. I won’t be making that mistake again. Eret, lock him in a cell.” 

“Aye, Chief” replied Eret, moving towards Grimmel. The so-called ‘Night Fury killer’ promptly tried to bolt, darting past with surprising speed for a guy his age and heading for the now unguarded door. He almost reached it before collapsing with an axe in his back, one arm still outstretched. Eret and Hiccup grimaced in disgust. 

Astrid casually strolled over to Grimmel’s corpse to retrieve her axe. “Was that really necessary?” Hiccup asked her, brow furrowed. “It’s not like he could have gotten far.” 

“Well, he can’t escape if he’s dead. C’mon, let’s see how the others are doing.” 

The others were, incredibly, doing fine. They had successfully brought down the two Death-Grippers and removed the vials of poison, or whatever it was, that was drugging them. Fishlegs was making a sketch for the Book of Dragons, the twins were arguing about names, Snotlout was posturing, and Valka was ignoring him in favour of trying to get them to eat. ‘Sir Stabby-Tail’ and ‘Tusknut’ weren’t interested.   


* * *

Toothless versus Lumina 

His back was turned to the threat, so she reared up and fired a plasma blast over his head at the two-legs trying to stalk them. He looked over his shoulder at what she was firing at, and the next thing she knew, Toothless was trying to pin her down. He growled at her. *What are you doing? Those two creatures are the threat, not me!* 

*What creatures? You almost killed my human and his mate!* Toothless protested. 

She didn’t understand. * _ Those  _ creatures! The two-legs hiding there, stalking us.* 

Toothless’ eyes widened. *Haven’t you ever seen a human before?* he asked. *They’re not dangerous; at least, these two aren’t. One of them is my best friend.* 

_ Friend?  _ *Of course they’re dangerous* she hissed, agitated. *Two-legs trapped me and...and it was a - a human...that left me here! How can you be friends with one?* 

Toothless didn’t answer her question. *What do you mean, a human left you here?* he demanded, looking all around. If someone had deliberately brought her onto Berk, they might still be here. Then he realised something. *You were on the ship! When we rescued all those other dragons. You were invisible; why didn’t you just show yourself? We would have freed you, too!* he declared. He’d have been just  _ thrilled _ . 

Now his excitement had waned somewhat. Lumina was beautiful, and smelled nice, but she had still attacked Hiccup. She too looked all around; then before he could stop her, she sprang into the air and flew away, turning invisible once more. By ….flying through her own fireball? Toothless wondered if that was just a distraction. 

He sighed; so much for meeting one of his own kind. Hiccup and Astrid crept out of hiding. “I’m sorry, bud” his rider apologised, as Toothless checked he wasn’t hurt. “We can try and go after her, if you want?” he offered. Toothless shook his head. If she wanted to join his flock on Berk then she’d have to come back of her own accord.   


...

When she saw Toothless being forced to carry a human on his back, Lumina knew she had to do something. She cloaked herself and flew up behind him, then snatched the human off his back. He shrieked. Lumina dropped the human and turned to say *Don’t worry, it can’t hurt you now.* Except Toothless was falling out of the sky too. 

Bemused, she watched as he caught the human and only then pulled out of a freefall. To her alarm he then fired a plasma blast in her direction; it wasn’t close enough to hit her, but Lumina could tell it was a warning. *Stay away from my human!* Toothless roared. He couldn’t believe it.  _ Firing at Hiccup was bad enough, but throwing him off my back? Who does she think she is?  _ *She is  _ not _ joining this flock* he growled. 

Hiccup stroked his head reassuringly. “Toothless, relax, I’m fine.” He looked over at Astrid and remarked, “Guess I have my work cut out for me, huh? Earning her trust.” 

“Hiccup, she nearly killed you!” his fiancé protested. “Maybe she just can’t be tamed.” 

“I don’t need to tame her, I just need her to trust me. If she doesn’t trust me, then she and Toothless can’t get together. This might be his only chance to have a girlfriend!”   
  


*I don’t know what Hiccup is talking about. I already have female friends* Toothless said to Stormfly as their riders bickered. *You are my friend, and so is Meatlug.* 

She explained, *I think he wants you to have Lumina as your mate.* Toothless didn’t think much of that idea; despite being the only other Fury he’d seen, he wasn’t sure if he even  _ liked _ Lumina. *You are just upset at how she treats your human. If you tell her why he is no threat, I’m sure she’ll understand* Stormfly offered when he told her. 

So when Hiccup built a tail-fin to let him fly on his own, after that hunter who had apparently been after him was killed, Toothless went to find Lumina and talk to her. Despite insisting that he didn’t want her as a mate, he  _ did  _ feel attracted to her, and if he managed to get her to see humans weren’t so bad maybe they  _ could _ get together. 

*There you are* he said when he found her. She backed away from him. *What is it?* 

Lumina’s pupils were slit. *Last time you saw me, you fired at me!* she responded. 

He rolled his eyes. *It was just a warning shot. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, you know. Besides, you attacked my rider!  _ Again _ . I can’t fly without him...usually* he amended. 

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. *What do you mean? You flew here without it, I saw you* she protested. Lumina wondered if humans could turn invisible too, and sniffed. 

*Hiccup isn’t here* Toothless informed her, *and he’s not an ‘it’, and he’s not a threat either. I get it, you’re scared of humans, but not all of them are bad! The ones on Berk  _ like  _ dragons, they want to help us. Especially Hiccup. He loves all dragons, even the small annoying ones* Toothless explained. *I’m his favourite, of course.* 

Lumina cocked her head to the side, curious in spite of herself. *Why would he?* 

Toothless assumed she meant ‘love dragons’. *That’s just who he is. Hiccup  _ cares.  _ He cares about humans and dragons, and he wants us to not hurt each other. I care about him, and I’ll protect him no matter how much danger he gets into. He found me when I was trapped and couldn’t fly, and he made me a new tail-fin* he explained. 

He wouldn’t mention that Hiccup was the one who had trapped him in the first place. 

Lumina sniffed at the prosthetic tail-fin he wore. Toothless showed her how Hiccup had taught him to draw, and made a picture of her face in the sand. Then he led her to where the skull of the Fire-Giant still lay, and told Lumina all about how he and Hiccup had defeated Her together, so their two flocks did not have to fight anymore. 

*That hunter who hurt you is dead, by the way. Hiccup’s mate killed him* he told her. 

Just as Stormfly said, once she understood  _ why _ he and Hiccup were friends, Lumina was more open to meeting Toothless’ rider. They flew back to Berk together, playing in the air. She was a good flier; Toothless really enjoyed flying alongside a dragon who could keep up with him. He showed her the cove, and asked her to wait there. 

Hiccup was surprised to see Toothless back so soon, but happy as well. “Hey, bud! Yeah, I missed you too” he laughed as Toothless licked him. “Wait, where’s the Light Fury? Didn’t you find her?” Hiccup asked worriedly. Toothless nudged at him until he got the hint and climbed on. They went to the cove. The Light Fury was waiting there. 

To his surprise, she didn’t flee at the sight of him. Toothless sat between them and warbled encouragingly at her. She crept towards Hiccup, who slowly reached out a hand. He turned his head away and waited. Then at last he felt a smooth snout press against his palm. The Light Fury pulled away and sneezed. Toothless looked smug.   


“You are beautiful,” Hiccup told the Light Fury. He couldn’t believe it; Toothless must have persuaded her to give him a chance. His dragon was amazing. “Hmm. If you’re sticking around, we can’t just call you ‘the Light Fury’. We could call you Fearless.” 

*Why does he want to call me that?* she asked Toothless. *My name is Lumina.* 

*Humans can’t understand us, so they call us by their own names. I guess he wants to name you Fearless because you were brave enough to go near him, even though you’re scared of humans...and because it is a little bit like my name* said Toothless. 

Lumina thought about it. *I like the name Fearless* she decided, *but I can’t stick around. I should be going home.* She tilted her head. *Would you like to see it?* 


End file.
